50 Goals: Brainstorm Social Media Use
Going on with the list of 50 Goals I made, after making sure I have functioning websites, there is another one I wanted to tackle sooner than later: brainstorming how I want to use social media, and how I plan on building community and audience.
As is usual for me, I have no restraint. I opened every social media account I stumbled upon—the usual suspects, and also some that I’m not sure I will use. Yet, I wanted them all, and it’s not a big deal to have my username (@igeddonverse) “secured” more or less everywhere.
Visibility is more than important: it’s essential if I ever want to make a living doing what I do. To add to that, as a person that almost never goes out of the house, building community could be a blessing for my mental health—even though I have some very dear friends, and a amazing family, life is often lonely. Communication online is the best way for me to socialize, and I want to facilitate that.
So, what do I want to do with those social media accounts? Probably slowly grow them, and see where there is more engagement. I’m hoping people will, in time, join me on my Discord channel for chatting and friendship, but for engagement, I will still post what I do on multiple social media accounts.
First, let’s start with the social media account I do not plan on growing right now: Medium, Pinterest, Quora, Reddit, Threads and Tumblr. I will probably, at some point, but it is not in the cards at this point. I want to be able to access other people’s content over there, so I wanted to have them created for my personal use. You can still follow me there if you want, though!
The following accounts will be used occasionally: TikTok and YouTube. I will, at some point, create videos and shorts, and the plan is to post the shorts on both of those plus Instagram, and the videos on YouTube.
I will also, at some point, stream on both Twitch and YouTube. I got some gaming to do, and a lot to chat about. I’m not planning on making niche channels, so it will all be in the same place.
That leaves me with Bluesky, Facebook, Instagram and Mastodon. Those I consider a more “chatty” environment, and my plan is to focus on a particular account every month. I’ll still engage with whomever wants me to on each one, but I will work on building connections one at a time.
There was a time when I could do it all. That time has passed. It feels wrong to “strategize” communication somehow, even though every person with a social media goal has to think of strategies. It will be fine, I believe in my capacity to build genuine conversations and engage with other people with authenticity.
So. Next month? I’ll be all over Bluesky.
Join me there?
50 Goals: Functioning Websites
One of my 50 Goals this year was to have a working version of the Irma Geddon and Geddonverse websites.
It was really important to have that base in order to build everything upon it. A “links” website where I could redirect social media traffic and that would be used as a “hub”, and a more chatty one where I could talk about what I’m doing.
On the Irma Geddon website, I have my social links, a link to this blog, and a list of recent articles straight from my RSS. I wish I could curate them more easily and automatically, by maybe culling out the dailies, but it’s fine for now.
Here, on The Geddonverse, I put everything else. List of goals, list of daily actions, thoughts. A grand tally of my expenses (and maybe, in two years, my income). A list of the courses I’m taking, as a tribute to the fact that you an still learn new things as a fifty-years-old.
Everything is slow in the making. Between health and mental health problems, even the simplest things take time. Too much time. But even if I can’t be consistent, I can be persistent, and step by step I get things done.
My 50 Goals are far from done. I haven’t even finished the list—I’m leaving some spots for potential use in the next twelve months, because life doesn’t have to have all fixed goals and new goals happen.
The websites are far from done too. But they’re functioning, and that was my goal. They will be changing constantly as I tinker around and make them better as time passes.
On to the other goals!
Kanz Fan Art
Usually, in the morning, as I drink my latte macchiato and eat my madeleines, I watch Kanzalone on YouTube.
It’s cozy, Kanz is pretty funny and sweet, and it is a nice background for tinkering around on my projects.
As I’m still learning pixel art and how to use Aseprite, I was moved to do a little Kanz fan art. Working on finding the distinctive features (the forehead, bandana and glasses) and adding small details (eye crinkles, blinking, moving hair and eyebrows, light on glasses, and some lighting and shading, was a nice exercise.
So, even if I didn’t really go on with my game dev project yesterday (I did not add the sprite sheets to Godot), I still did a little something to further my learning, and I’m glad I did.
New Game Asset: Zombies!
This morning, I am feeling tired. So after my little win with pixel art, I decided to work on something simple: making an enemy asset in Aseprite—and of course, if you know me you know, I chose to create a zombie!
At first, I was only going to make it face forward, normal and “angry”, because turning the brain animation was a bit too much. It would have been a smart choice.
But then I soldiered on and made it at least turn right for the right-facing zombie. It was the one that was looking weird—I’ll keep the brain as-is for the others, it’s FINE.
That means… I have to have all sides for all character assets I’ll make in the future. Not very smart, but it’s FINE.
At first the brain was attached to the zombie, but after some time I decided to make it detached so that it could jerk up and down as the zombie bounces around. I think it was a good choice, it gives more energy to the animation without being too hard to do.
*grrrr*……..
It’s often hard for me to avoid perfectionism. It’s part of my life difficulties: if I was perfect, people would stop bullying me. Right?
… Right?
Except this doesn’t work. Bad people will always find reasons to harm others. They don’t even need one. So now, as hard as it is to fight a life-worth of being a perfectionist and trying to protect myself that way, I’m using the good ol’ “good enough, fuck it” life choice.
Look at me, slapping that perfectionism in the face!
……..
*yahhhh*
That’ll teach him (and me).
First Game Asset With Aseprite
I’ve decided that if I’m going to develop games, I might as well learn to make my own assets. For music, I have LMMS. And I’ve tried my hand at Aseprite the other day.
It’s taken me two days and multiple attempts, but I’m pretty happy with the little Irma character I’ve come up with. It’s not perfect, and I’m fine with it. It’s good enough. I prefer imperfect and done.
Next on the list will be to learn how to use that asset in Godot, and make my little character move accordingly (I will keep it forward-facing even when going towards the sop of the screen—Brotato-like).
Here are a few of the tutorials that helped me, if you want to start pixel art too (I sure didn’t apply all the tips, but again—don’t @ me, it’s good enough):
- The ONLY Pixel Art Guide You Need (Beginner to Advanced) by Juniper Dev
- 5 Pixel Art Tips In Under 1 Minute! by HypeHype_gameapp
- How To Pixel Art In 10 Minutes | Pixel Art Tutorial by Reece Geofroy
- The Ultimate Pixel Art Tutorial by Saultoons
- Aseprite Tutorial For Beginners (Pixel Art) by Saultoons
- Pixel Art Animation Tutorial – (Aseprite) by Saultoons
One of the hard parts was making the pompom on the Irma character’s head bounce, to give it a little movement. Thankfully, my amazing husband pointed out that it should not just change size vertically, but also horizontally as the character touches the ground again. Thousand thanks to him!
Once I’m successful with importing it in Godot and making the character move around, what’s next? Well, maybe an enemy. A zombie might be cool. Gotta have something to slap around, right?
Always Wrong Health-Wise
As an older, fat woman, I can never be right in the eyes of doctors. It’s been a while since I’ve seen one that passes the Irma test.
I have diabetes. My blood tests are bad? I eat too much sugar—even if I don’t. Oh wait, but I’ve lost weight even though I am suspected to eat too much sugar? Oh, then that’s fine.
I need to drink more. Then, I start eating ice cubes, because I both can’t drink liters of water everyday, and it makes me choke regularly (lately, I have been choking a lot, and I’d rather not, kthxbye). Also, I may have developed some kind of pagophagia—even if I’m not anemic. But beware—even if it’s a sign of autism, do NOT say I am autistic. I am not supposed to be! The assessments said I’m not!
I have awful chronic pain, but not all the time, so it’s probably due to my diet and lack of exercise. I’d like to see the doctors go on a walk with the chronic pain and fatigue I have. I wish I could put all my pains on them when they occur. Then, maybe, they’d take me seriously.
All of this CANNOT be the result of anything else than my weight, my age, my diabetes, my laziness. Doesn’t matter if I lost 43 kilos since I left my abuser. Doesn’t matter if I’ve spent almost the last twenty or so years running around with my kids, every day, to get them to school, to therapy. Doesn’t matter if I have two autistic sons… they don’t even consider that I CANNOT be lazy. I have responsibilities that tie me to my home. I like my home. I suffer from Hidradenitis Suppurativa every time I stress—and I stress a lot, both because of said responsibilities, but also I have generalized anxiety disorder due to the abuse I’ve endured both as a child and as an adult.
Yesterday, I got a new doctor. With visio, because I can’t stay up for a long time, thanks fainting spells. It took him three minutes to ask what’s wrong and prescribe diabetes meds + blood test. Three minutes where he didn’t want to listen to anything I say. Not one symptom, not one question.
He just dismissed me and my health.
Because I am just a fat, old, lazy cow.
Sorry, but doctors on TV shows are not believable.
Fifty
This is it! I’m fifty years old. Half of my life expectancy is behind me. Probably more two thirds, if we take my health into account.
What does that mean for me? Probably that my time is almost up. Probably that I need to start living by my own rules for good, now. I want to be one of those old little ladies with blue hair and eclectic dresses, going around without a care in the world about what other people do or think.
It also means that I have a few years left to do something that will last. Something that will profit my kids. Something that I will remembered by, hopefully. I hope I do—that my life will not be in vain. It’s quite narcissistic, isn’t it? To hope to be famous enough that someone will remember you or think about you long after your death.
I don’t have any other big wish for the rest of my life, except maybe to live it in less pain. I want simple things. I want to have a nice home, cozy moments with the people I love, and just enough to have our needs met. I want to rest and enjoy my days, in my Artelier.
The Reality of Chronic Pain
I’m feeling a little better today. Not one-hundred percent, but good enough that I don’t grunt too much when I try to move around.
It’s there kinds of days when my mental health does saltos. It’s both happy, because I can finally do some things without wanting to just lie down and die, and sad, because it knows that this is not going to last.
The real dilemma is: to what point do I push myself today?
When I try to do all the things, my body usually makes me pay the following day. But sometimes, I choose rest, and my body still makes me pay the following day. There is no knowing what is going to happen, and that makes choosing difficult.
I know that my problems are chronic. Chronic illness, chronic pain, chronic fatigue. Mostly, I can attribute the flares to stress—I’m a very anxious person, and usually stress creeps up on me even though I do my best to make my living environment as stress-free as possible.
But as someone who has been the target of abuse and bullying pretty much my whole life, I can’t control these emotions and fears—at least not at first. First, I freak out, and then I remember all the tools at my disposition to deal with the stress, but at that point it’s too late.
As a compromise, today I will not push myself physically. I will work on my project a little, and learn some new skills (I have whole playlists of YouTube videos to watch to better myself). I will make time for rest, in the eventuality it helps with tomorrow’s pain.
I see all of those articles, videos on the web, that tell you to be disciplined, work hard, double down… All the things I am no longer able to do. And I want to do all they do, but differently.
I want to prove that it’s possible to achieve results with a slower, softer mindset—one that doesn’t make me want to throw myself off a building. For me, and for anyone else in the same situation.
If there is a way, I will strive to find it… while still working true to my capacities.
