As an older, fat woman, I can never be right in the eyes of doctors. It’s been a while since I’ve seen one that passes the Irma test.

I have diabetes. My blood tests are bad? I eat too much sugar—even if I don’t. Oh wait, but I’ve lost weight even though I am suspected to eat too much sugar? Oh, then that’s fine.

I need to drink more. Then, I start eating ice cubes, because I both can’t drink liters of water everyday, and it makes me choke regularly (lately, I have been choking a lot, and I’d rather not, kthxbye). Also, I may have developed some kind of pagophagia—even if I’m not anemic. But beware—even if it’s a sign of autism, do NOT say I am autistic. I am not supposed to be! The assessments said I’m not!

I have awful chronic pain, but not all the time, so it’s probably due to my diet and lack of exercise. I’d like to see the doctors go on a walk with the chronic pain and fatigue I have. I wish I could put all my pains on them when they occur. Then, maybe, they’d take me seriously.

All of this CANNOT be the result of anything else than my weight, my age, my diabetes, my laziness. Doesn’t matter if I lost 43 kilos since I left my abuser. Doesn’t matter if I’ve spent almost the last twenty or so years running around with my kids, every day, to get them to school, to therapy. Doesn’t matter if I have two autistic sons… they don’t even consider that I CANNOT be lazy. I have responsibilities that tie me to my home. I like my home. I suffer from Hidradenitis Suppurativa every time I stress—and I stress a lot, both because of said responsibilities, but also I have generalized anxiety disorder due to the abuse I’ve endured both as a child and as an adult.

Yesterday, I got a new doctor. With visio, because I can’t stay up for a long time, thanks fainting spells. It took him three minutes to ask what’s wrong and prescribe diabetes meds + blood test. Three minutes where he didn’t want to listen to anything I say. Not one symptom, not one question.

He just dismissed me and my health.

Because I am just a fat, old, lazy cow.

Sorry, but doctors on TV shows are not believable.